


𝒎𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝒊𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉 (𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒆𝒍𝒚 𝒏𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕)

by spaceodditybarnes



Category: The Martian (2015), The Martian - All Media Types, The Martian - Andy Weir
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-17 05:46:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29095236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spaceodditybarnes/pseuds/spaceodditybarnes
Summary: in which you're lonely, and Chris Beck just wants to help...
Kudos: 3





	𝒎𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝒊𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉 (𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒆𝒍𝒚 𝒏𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕)

**Author's Note:**

> 𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 the martian spoilers, death mention, injury, concussion, very poorly written medical stuff. some angst, mostly fluff. not really much dialogue. implied seggsy times, implied pregnancy and childbirth. not proof read i am sorry.  
> 𝒂𝒖𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒓𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒕𝒆 i don’t know what this is. part of the title came from keep holding on by avril lavigne.

If someone had told you, aged five years old, that one day you would be in the depths of space with your big brother, you would have probably laughed it off. Ordinarily, NASA avoided sending siblings into space, but with his botany expertise, and your particular technology skill set, pairing the two of you on the same mission turned out to work in their favour.

It was your unwavering determination to be something amazing, something so stellar, that gave you the motivation you needed to work yourself until exhaustion most nights, until you could proudly say that you worked for NASA on dates. It was also the constant need to one-up your big brother that helped.

When all the hard work, nights spent sobbing in your cosy attic space, days spent cramming for exams in the library whilst other people your age enjoyed a healthy social life, finally paid off, it felt like a billion and one dreams had come true. It had felt like someone, somewhere, was looking down on you and finally said you deserved something special.

From very early on, space had always been your safety. You could faintly remember building rockets from cardboard boxes, pretending your parents were aliens. Pillow forts turned into the hidden depths of planets unknown, blanket forts turned into whole entire galaxies – a book on stars stored on a shelf, tickets to the planetarium stuck out like a sore thumb.

It’s why being launched into space, being millions of miles away from your parents, didn’t even daunt you. You had your brother by your side, and you were exploring the red planet; nothing could ever ruin a memory as picture perfect as this one.

Until, of course, things went terribly wrong in the blink of an eye.

If someone had told you, aged seven years old, that one day you’d be mourning the loss of your very best friend, whilst travelling through space at a thousand miles an hour, you wouldn’t have even acknowledged their words. Because there is nothing on Earth, nor planets near and far, that could ever prepare you for a loss as significant as one Mark Watney.

The concussion and cracked ribs you had sustained after the gale force winds had thrown you against the ladder of the MAV had kept you bed-bound for three days; the pain of losing Mark had kept you in bed for a further four days. Whilst every remaining member of the crew would visit you twice a day, it was Alex Vogel and Chris Beck who had visited you the most.

Vogel, being a father, looked after you in a way that only a parent could. He was patient, and gentle, and nudged you into eating whatever he had prepared. And better still, he was the one who sat up with you and wiped away your tears when the pain of losing Mark was too much for you to bear. Throughout the whole mission, even before losing Mark, he had been a father figure for you; losing Mark just illuminated it even more.

Chris Beck, however, was a light. He was quite possibly your best friend, and he spent most of his free time with you. Even if all you wanted to do was sleep, he’d be there brushing stray hairs off your forehead and telling everybody to be quiet for fear of them waking you up. He was your strength when you didn’t think you had any. He was your safe place.

And yet, despite it all, you couldn’t help but feel so disconnected from the world. You couldn’t help but feel so utterly alone. Even though you were surrounded by some of the most supportive people you had ever met, you didn’t have the one person you truly thought you always had. You didn’t have the one person who never failed to wind you up, but also who never failed to make you feel like the brightest, and best, star. You didn’t have your big brother.

Loneliness, you decided, as you stared out of a window and counted all the stars, was the worst feeling ever. No matter who was around, or how many people were around you, you still didn’t belong. You still felt alone. And you weren’t sure if you would ever stop feeling so alone. You watched in silence as Martinez and Johanssen laughed at something, whilst Beck and Vogel played cards. Commander Lewis was too busy writing something down.

Tired of feeling lonely, you crept out of the room and headed to a quiet nook of the ship, needing space from everyone else to cry. Too used to the invisible status you seemed to hold, you didn’t expect anyone to notice your disappearance, much less worry about how sudden it was. You didn’t realise Beck was sneaking glances at you every so often, and you definitely didn’t notice the way Vogel silently told Beck to follow you.

“You’re not alone, you know.” You lifted your heavy head, only to see the most gentle of faces looking down on you. “I know it feels like you are. And I know it feels like this immeasurable grief is going to swallow you alive, but it won’t. Because I definitely won’t let it.”

The sob which was threatening to tear through you like a hurricane stopped you from saying anything, and all you could do was weep into your hands as Beck sat down beside you. Just like every time you had cried, for what had felt like an entire lifetime, you let the man pull you closer. Letting you know you weren’t alone, and that he would catch you every time you fell.

And seven years later, as the pair of you said ‘I do’ underneath a starry sky, and eight years later as you welcomed Luna Beck into the world, you realised that you were never alone. Because you had made it through the lonely night.

**Author's Note:**

> feedback appreciated :)


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